Out There Poem

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Out there

I open up my eyes, To look out at the world
Pull back the thick curtains, See what's really out there

Outside it seems so bright, The light itself feels cold
My eyes begin to sting, Wonder what is out there

Some people are so nice, But others are so cruel
A mixed up place this world, Why should I go out there

I open up the door, And step into the light
Please let me go inside, Don't want to be out there

I know that it is safe, And other people go
I gather up the strength, Slowly go back out there

I know it is so strange, To not want to go out
But sometimes I can't cope, Joining the world out there

I am going to do it, Watch out world I'm coming
I step into the street, And now I am out there

My heart begins to race, But I'm not giving up
I won't let it beat me, Now I'm staying out there

I walk up to the car, And open up the door
I get behind the wheel, Pleased I made it out there

I drive down to the town, I feel safe in the car
But deep inside I know, Soon I will be out there

I get out of the car, And take a look around
It does not look that bad, Now that I am out there

I step into a shop, Not many people there
I grab the things I want, Not wasting time out there

Then back out in the street, Back to the car I go
Then drive back to my home, Spent enough time out there

I step in through the door, Lock it tight behind me
Feel good that I did it, Pleased that I went out there
Dean Thorpe
Sometimes locks are in the mind

About the poem

I am kind of Agoraphobic, it does come and go and its no where near as bad as some people get, even when its at its worst, but it does effect my life quite a lot. Agoraphobia is a mental health problem that means for me that I can often be scared to even leave the house, but its normally an irrational fear, I know that there is very little for me to fear out there. When I do go out I can panic, its worst in crowded places, but unlike some with Agoraphobia or other mental health problems I am fine with wide open spaces, I just have trouble coping with large groups of people. I can even go out and photograph some very big public events when I am feeling mentally well, but I do feel safer behind the camera as people just let me get on with it and don't often talk to me. I do find the crowds hard sometimes if I get caught up in the middle of them, I just feel the need to always have a way to escape if I needed to.
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